Dear Wayne,
On Tuesday, Mandy, Dan, Mary, Tom, Caitlin and I took your ashes to various spots in Leavenworth to let them go. We didn't make it to Icicle Gorge because the road was washed out but we found some gorgeous spots anyway including one way up high that you used to love. On Thursday, we (just the three of us) went to Montana to finish saying goodbye. We had a short service with a gun salute that made most of us very weepy and then everyone took the rest of your ashes to the river on a 20 mile float trip. They are in the river. Before we went on either journey, Carol Ann brought out tee-shirts with your picture on them that we all wore to the cemetery and some of us even down the river. Later we came home to Fern's and played the CDs of music you loved that Carol made. Fern did a great job organizing, Lucile and Bob did a great job cooking and everyone else just pitched in and helped make this weekend a success. You are loved by everyone and you are sorely missed. There was a glaring absence this weekend but this was very healing for everyone. I will always love you. Good bye, My Love.
I love you Wayne. We all do. See you in heaven.
ReplyDeleteMy love, it has been seven months now, and I still miss you as much as day 1. My heart is broken because in you I lost my soul-mate, my lifeline. I wasn't ready to say good-bye. I am still not. i love you so much. I wish I knew where you are and how you are. It would help me to know that when it's my time, you will be there waiting for me. But there are days when I don't know how or even if I am going to get through this. Losing the love of your life is the most painful thing in the world.
ReplyDeleteMy love, it's been eight months now. the holidays are here, but you're not. I have never wanted them just to be over like I do this year. I miss you so much, and everywhere I go, I see an empty space where you should be: on the seat next to me at the Journey to Jerusalem performance, in the front row of the Methodist church during our first performance. You should be here. I love you so much. I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop missing you.
ReplyDeleteEleven months today (well in four minutes anyway) and I miss you so very much. You are with me always, wherever I got, whatever I do. It still hurts as badly as it did early on. The difference is I am learning to live with the hurt and function in spite of it. I was so afraid I would lose some of you, but my memory is as fresh as if you were alive and well only yesterday. I love you. I will always love you.
ReplyDeleteWayne, Just after midnight and it is now officially our 25th anniversary. I miss you. Tomorrow we were meant to be reaffirming our vows to each other. We never got to did we? But Wayne, if I had it all to do over again, I so would again. It was worth it. We may have had a bit under 26 years but we had the kind of marriage that was special, really special. We were lucky even though it wasn't the fifty years we always said we'd have. I love you forever. You are now and always my heart.
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday my love. I don't know if birthdays have any importance to you where ever you are, but for me, it is the day the man who became the love of my life was born and so it's a very special day. I tried to make you a cake and it didn't come out well at all. Probably my most spectacular cake flop ever, but that just means I was only meant to have one piece of cake to toast you with. You are my heart, my soul. I love you.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add that I went out with Carol Henderson and we had a piece of cake in your honor. Your day is so special to me because if you hadn't been born, then I would never have had the love that you gave me all those years. So even though you are not here to celebrate, I will always celebrate the day you were born. I am so lucky to have had the time we had. I'd have liked more, much more, but knowing everything, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. Love like ours is a rare bird and we were really, really lucky to have found each other. I will always miss you.
ReplyDeleteHey My Love, Mandy graduated today. She did it. She is officially Dr. AManda Rohrbach. We have a doctor in the family! I know how proud you were of her. You would have been so proud. She defended her disertation and they passed her and signed off at the end. She has a few minor revisions in her writing that she thinks will be finish in 48 hours. But not tonight. Tonight she celebrated. She'd had four glasses of champagne when she called. (She texted earlier). I told her she deserved the whole bottle. I don't know if you can see us, but I had to write this down for you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI have been rereading this blog today. By now you know you have Carol Ann and Fern with you, where ever you are. At least I hope you are together. i need to think you are together. And I have been thinking of them too. I loved them too. some days I miss you so much it's physical. I remember you and can almost feel and smell you and more than anything in the world I need to be in your arms. I can take myself there in my mind, but my body tries to follow and there's nothing there. Where I see you, smell you, sense you, I cannot feel you. I don't know if that kind of ache will ever go away. Today Donna posted on FB that she wondered when the tears were going to stop. I told her I didn't know. Mine haven't stopped. For that matter they have barely slowed down. i miss you so much it hurts. I think about the rest of the family and then pain they are all in. They aren't over your loss and now Carol and Fern. i think about Bob, and Trevor and Jeremy and the beautiful grandchildren Fern loved so much. I think about Mike and Shane and Tristan and Hunter. And I know the pain they have because it's the pain I have. And I think of Mandy, who would have loved it if now that she is so close to home, her dad were here for her to enjoy.
ReplyDeleteToday it has been exactly 18 months, a year and a half since you died. As always, I think of you constantly. You were a part of my daily life. You still are a part of my daily life and even though you are not here physically, you will always be a part of my daily life. I have the love you gave me, tucked deep inside my heart and soul, a love that I still wrap around me and which gives me comfort. I have my memories of our life together, and I have the love I will always feel for you. So you are here with me, a part of me that I carry with me everywhere I go and in everything I do. And yet, I miss you every day. I will always miss you. And of course I love you as I always will. Sweet dreams, My Love. Until we can be together again.
ReplyDeleteThe holidays are already coming. Village Voices is practicing Christmas music and I am thinking of you. I never know what is going to get to me. Tonight it was the song "Let it Snow" followed by Winter Wonderland. i remember being in Leaavenworth, in our house, with all the snow and being together. I remember being together and getting sleigh rides up at Red Tail Canyon and skiing at the hatchery. And singing Christmas Carols by the piano. And of course sitting by the fire. i really miss you being here with me. But tonight, after crying through the song at practice, I came home and saw saw this by the author Rumi, "The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along." And I remember that you are in me, and you'll always be in me. And I with you. Wherever we are, we are in each other. And so for now that has to be enough because that is what I have of you for now, that and my memories. I love you always. And missing you hurts so bad. I have to remember you are in me.
ReplyDeleteYesterday was Thanksgiving, and I was sick. Really sick. But I didn't stop thinking of you. I didn't get to go to Thanksgiving dinner but if you had still been alive, I'd have made sure you did. I was too sick to write though so I am writing today to tell you Happy Thanksgiving and that you and Mandy are still the two people I am the most thankful for. I am so thankful for our years together, but I wish there could have been more years with you. I miss you so very much in every way. You are always my whole heart. I miss you. I love you and always will.
ReplyDeleteToday is my second Christmas without you. I am constantly thinking of you and missing you. Mandy and Dan are here and that helps ease the pain and makes this an easier Christmas than last, but I know I am always going to feel your loss more acutely during the holidays. We have about six inches of snow in Wenatchee, and it's snowing. It is supposed to snow all day. It's a beautiful white Christmas. You are the only thing missing. I love you so much, Wayne. I miss you with every fiber of my being. But I am going on and muddling though as best I can. I am determined to have a wonderful day. So Merry Christmas, my love. I hope you aren't alone, that you're with Carol Ann, Fern and your mom. One day we will be together again.
ReplyDeleteIt has been two years today since you died. I miss you still so very, very much. There is a sort of energy maybe that is missing along with you. I can best say that it is best defined by its absence. I used to feel this energy that was about the two of us together. It was more than just a physical feeling: maybe it was a spiritual feeling. I really don't know. I always knew we had something truly special. But this energy died with you, and I miss that as well. I know, how can you miss something if you don't know what it is? But it was something: energy, spirit, a joining of our two energies, I think. So when I say I miss you so much it's visceral, that is what I am talking about. I miss everything about you, not just this energy, but the energy was a product of our love so of course it is part of what I miss. I always will. Lately, I have been thinking about what we had and how special it was and is. I will always love you, and I am forever grateful for what we had together. Almost 26 years of special is better than fifty years of just alright. Even knowing I would lose you so soon, I would do it all again. I will love you forever and never stop missing you.
ReplyDeleteToday would have been our 26th anniversary. Last year was hard--our silver wedding anniversary and we were going to exchange vows again at a renewal party. I found that pretty hard. This year I am just sad, and I feel alone today. I was so proud to be your wife. I wish we could celebrate together today, but since we can't, know that you are still now and always my heart, my love, and I will miss you until the day I die.
ReplyDeleteToday is your birthday. You'd have been 57. I think I did better last year! i miss you so much, You are my heart. I am getting on with my life though. I can actually say I like my life except for one thing: you not being here. You are still and always the love of my life. I will always miss you. But today I will eat cake in your honor and toast your birthday. Had you not been born, then I wouldn't have had you for almost 26 years. So Happy Birthday, My Love. I don't know if you have birthdays where you are but if you do, I hope it's a rip roaring one, with lots of good rock music!
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ReplyDeleteYesterday was Christmas, my third without you, and I am finding it as painful as the first. As time goes on I find it both less and more difficult. Daily it is easier to cope. Yet as time goes on I miss you more and more. But that isn't what I wanted to say. What I want to say is Merry Christmas. I have been thinking of you and a couple times I think I felt you. I put up a tree for the first time this year and so I finally put up all those beautiful ornaments you bought me every year. It was hard to put them up--it took me a whole week from the day I set up the tree until I finally got them all on. Now that they're up, though, I am so very glad I got them on. Then last week, I was wandering through Walmart looking for Christmas candles for the little angel candle holders and a glittery red spiral icicle caught my eye. I had to wonder what you would have chosen for me this year. Later I looked at the ornaments at Shopko and wondered the same thing. It was such a special thing for you to buy me all those ornaments, and they mean so very much to me. They are a tangible reminder that I was loved. I hope that wherever you are, you know that you are loved because you are, yesterday, today, and always.
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