Saying Goodbye, Part 2

Three years ago today, I lost you.  You slipped from this life surrounded by almost everyone you loved.  With Carol at your head and me at your feet, you stopped breathing while everyone was saying goodbye to you.  I am sorry you couldn't wait for Amanda, but maybe it is better she didn't have to see you die.   I struggled for a very long time.  I lied when I told you I would be fine and for you not to worry.  I knew I wouldn't be.  But now I am.  I like my life most days, though I never stop wishing you were in it.  I still miss you and love you just as much as always.  Along the way during this journey, I have had moments when I thought I was okay, only to be hit hard a day or two later.  Finally, though, I am having many more good days than bad days, and I can think of you most of the time without automatically crying.  I still tear up easily, but I control it a lot better.  I still get catches in my throat at times.  I expect both will continue as long as I live.  But life moves on and I am doing my very best to move with it.  I am in such a better place than I have been since long before you got sick.  I just wish you were here to share it with me.